Codependency is a dysfunctional way of relating to ourselves and others. It is repeating the dysfunctional patterns of how we related with our caregivers growing up and all of our relationships since, including the way we relate to ourselves. Codependency means that your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs depend on and are influenced by others’ thoughts, feelings, wants, needs. Codependency is a symptom or warning that the things you are doing in your life are harmful to you and can ultimately harm you emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically.

Codependents are usually in relationships that are painful, abusive, controlling, and fear-based. The primary fear that all codependents face is the fear of being abandoned and left alone. Once alone, they will feel all of the painful emotions they avoided while in these relationships. They use relationships to avoid their pain, much like an addict uses substances to avoid theirs. Codependents find their worth and esteem from being in a relationship with another human being, so to lose that relationship means a loss of self.